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Courtship Over 50
Often singles looking for marriage and a life-long love relationship when they are dating are envisioning these super romantic dates. And particularly the singles-never-married folks are sort of flipping back and forth between serious courtship impressing each other dates (important because you are displaying your visual attractiveness in the women combined with our graciousness and essence, while the man is display the resources he gives her access to, including his intellect, reading repertoire, athletic pursuits, and lifestyle) and the desire to just hang, wear sweats, and eat pizza on the couch. Netflix and forget it, right?
A lot of the Midlife Singles have been married before. You might be divorced. You might be widowed, as I am. In all likelihood by the time the clock rolled over on your 40th birthday, you’ve probably been in at least 1 or 2 relationships which lasted longer than just dating each other for 3 dates. Romantic relationships which hit the 6 month mark or even multiple year marker. By then, you two had, hopefully, mutually uttered those important words to each other, “I love you.” As an age group, you’re often looking sooner for a life partner sort of relationship rather than serial dating.
With that, both for GenX and Boomers, and fast approaching younger singles in the Millenials wishing to couple up and no longer play the field of love, hookups, and serial monogamy, one of the Dates I recommend a couple participate in after about the 6 week mark is to start to do SOME of the Life Sharing activities together. Yes, do go hiking this weekend if that is something you normally do, and that is not just a courting behavior that you would totally abandon within 3 months of marriage. However, beforehand, bop into the grocery store and hit the deli, pick up some sandwiches for the hike, some bottled water and some chopped fresh fruit. Even 15 – 20 minutes in the grocery store lends itself to Normal Life mode of life.
One of the attributes singles consistently cite they’re seeking in a life long love romantic partner is to share their lives together. Well, periodically, not too soon, mind you, start sampling some of those “Shared Life” experience with each other. This is not meant to be a droll invitation to have her do his laundry for him. Nor, once you’re adults and ideally at least one of you has a home with a washer dryer there and no longer dependent upon public laundromats, should head over to the Landro-Mat to “hang” and do laundry waiting for machines. That’s ok for the singles in their 20s and early 30s.
Even the truly urban-based metropolitan singles, one of you should have personal washing and drying machine access. So, even if you invite the other to come over for the afternoon Saturday and really the whole evening into dinner and beyond, “to do laundry and stuff,” that means you’ve got machines in your home to use. The two of you will actually spend the time doing something engaging together. Not leaning against a machine and waiting at the LavanderÃa.
You want to start putting your toe in the wading pool of Normal Life. Because Married Life is where you share your Life with another. And Life includes buying toilet paper, weekly groceries, buying generic for some items, purchasing a name brand for another, reading labels, and buying covert amounts of junk food (ok, the small bag of potato chips so you don’t eat too many, they’re over by the deli counter). You want both to start testing the waters of how is that like with this person? As well as a gentle way to start to reveal a more fully rounded genuine you with your date. So they can see how they like sharing Life with you, wonderful you.
It is in the small things, the mundane things that married life often plays out. And it is the little stupid things over which married couples bicker and fight. When you start to share the silly normal life activities together, you start to see if you are aligned, not identical, about the stuff that makes up daily life.
Not the platform of the political party where you are registered voter, but about if a brand name toilet paper matters to you both. And exchanging that information in a non-judgmental manner. Sort of observing each other. One is not right and the other wrong. It’s just that invariably you two are different. Indeed, it is the differences which make for chemistry.
And you might find you change brands or try something, gasp, new as a result of your date’s input or preferences. And that contributes to life’s rich tapestry. We expand each other. The differences between you are what will stretch each of you a little and makes for part of the very purpose of relationships – to become the person you will be as a result of your knowing them. You will become a new you, more of your best self. And those are the people we always want in our lives, whether it results in marriage or not.
Happy Dating and Relationships,
April Braswell
Orange County Life Coach Newport Beach/Irvine Midlife Dating Coach
Follow and Engage with April on Twitter: @AprilBraswell
April Braswell is an expert columnist at DatingAdvice.com and speaks to singles in Singles Groups and Divorce Support Groups as well as at Singles Dating Workshops and Singles Conferences in Orange County CA Life Coach April Braswell, LA and San Francisco.
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Orange County CA Life Coach April Braswell. Life and Business Coaching in Newport Beach right by the juncture of Costa Mesa, and Irvine.
Orange County CA Life Coach April Braswell. Life and Business Coaching in Newport Beach right by the juncture of Costa Mesa, and Irvine.
Orange County CA Life Coach April Braswell. Life and Business Coaching in Newport Beach right by the juncture of Costa Mesa, and Irvine.
Orange County CA Life Coach April Braswell. Life and Business Coaching in Newport Beach right by the juncture of Costa Mesa, and Irvine.
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